No human can defeat me, no human has power over me, no human can stop the unstoppable… Until BAM! doubt shows up. Then that human who can do these things turns out to be… me. One day I am do things that are scary with sheer confidence then the next I feel as if I have no real worth and someone deserves more than me on every level. What is that about?
Well let’s dissect the issue. I think it is important to look for the root cause or causes. Maybe I don’t feel I am good enough unless I am perfect. Maybe I forget to enjoy what I am doing. Or maybe it has to do with where I am emotionally when I decide to do something of importance to me. Or perhaps I am scared. I feel, at least in my case, it could be all four.
As I’ve written about before, I have a bad habit of seeking perfection. Which of course realistically I understand is ridiculous. However, behind my levelheaded understanding there hides a weaker, more impressionable version of myself. I have to constantly remind that version how naïve and uninformed it is. On my journey towards a healthier mental and spiritual state, one thing that really resonates is how important it is to accept and love all versions of myself. Just as I love and accept my children unconditionally, it is as important to be loving and careful with myself. So instead of condemning this weaker version I only remind, encourage, and set a new course, as many times as it may take. The importance of something is not measured by perfection, but instead on the emotions it provokes. If I feel pride in something I mustn’t allow someone to take that from me. I must be strong enough to love myself and what I have done with all my heart. All any one of us can do is our best. Which is absolutely worthy!
Enjoyment- one’s soulful and joyful reaction to a moment. Why would I ever want to sacrifice that? What is life without joy? Well just as many other things in our crazy, hectic lives, we tend to forget what truly matters. Joy matters. I want to always remember this as I strive for my best life. …Best life? Do I mean success? Money? Promotions? Status? No! I mean peace, joy, comfort, hope, LOVE. I want spiritual. I want inspirational. I want to shower others in love, as my steadfast God showers me. I want all things I do to be full of gratefulness. When a life is not taken for granted, then a whole new world opens up. One full of joy and all sorts of things holy. So if my “work” is making me unhappy, then I want to reexamine and learn to either put the joy back in it or to leave it behind. My soul matters more than anything I can produce.
Bad days happen to everyone, I am no exception. Things are going all wrong and feel as if they will continue is this manner forever. Gloom and doom. Maybe anxiety is eating at me or depression has consumed my mind. No matter what kind of darkness is filling me with doubt, the lesson to consider is perhaps I should choose self-care over pushing through a half-attempt. My body is obviously suggesting something. I need to be mindful enough to hear it and consider its request. Instead of pushing and pushing I need to stop and evaluate my needs. Am I running low on sleep, do I need a nap? Am I hurting? Maybe some pain relief is a priority. Is my spirit lacking nourishment? Should I go pray, meditate, or do some mental health/spiritual/Bible study? Then once I have tended to my needs I can return to the task at hand. Bad days are not bad lives. Readjust, do necessary maintenance, rest. I bet we return with fresh eyes.
Doubt is essentially FEAR. I am learning to root that fear out and face it with my inner warrior. My Father is a King and I will not be afraid! With God at my side I can face all thing! I can go on and on. I play these mantras in repetition in my mind until I feel invincible once again. I shadow my fear with my towering faith. …or that’s the plan anyways. Aren’t these things always easier said than done. No matter. I will not give up. Trying again and again until I can move forward. One step in front of the other leaving doubt to my back and the light blanketing my vision with reassurance.
My plan: I will continue to denounce doubt. I will choose not to accept it in my thoughts. I will not let it consume me no further. I will walk on, head held high. Even if I fail I will choose to look at the lesson instead of letting doubt take future progress away from me.
Today let us pray for God’s aid in our battles against doubt. Let’s ask our loving Father to take the fear away and instill fresh courage in our hearts.
Feature Image: “Evening” by Maxwell Parrish